Forgive me as this post is not about cards, although the last few entries have been more about dealing with my depression/PTSD than cards anyway but I am doing this one on purpose. I did not mean for this site to be a journal about my life outside of cards, just my life involving cards. The climax of this story involves cards and I am using it to take an opportunity to show the disease.
Anyone that follows wrestling and reads wrestling news once a week is probably aware that WWE Smackdown announcer Mauro Ranallo has been out for mental health reasons. A lot of people don’t accept that mental health issues are a disease. I have them and truthfully it has taken me until very recently to truly accept that fact. Something happened to me Saturday to highlight the very fact that it is a disease:
I had one of those 36 hour periods where I can look back and say that I did everything right; something that I haven’t been able to say in years. (Only saying this because it matters to me but it shouldn’t but this is not one of those bipolar highs. I wish that I had those as I would probably be a happier person during those highs instead of constantly down on myself.) The hours were one of those times where even the hiccups were just pebbles in the road; like finding out an hour before something is happening that I was expected to be there. So I am doing work in the house and decide to take a breather and grab the mail. I wasn’t expecting anything so when I see my name on a package, I immediately think ‘oh crap.’ I saw that it was from someone that I sold to on Ebay so my blood pressure goes through the roof for a second. If you read the site you know that I am awful at opening packages or anything, sorry GTS but I still haven’t opened that hobby box you sent me and for the record I am not selling that either. This was a box in front of my door. I don’t even think that I went down the driveway to my mailbox to get the rest of the mail. I ran in and opened the box thinking the worst. Either I was sent a bag of dog poop or they were returning what I sent them. I even had one hand on my mouth ready to go to Paypal for a refund. It was neither dog crap or a return. In it was a paper that said #RAOK. Random act of kindness. Holy crap; and from an Ebay person no less. So I go from horror movie excitement to Disney movie excitement in one swing. I couldn’t believe it. Even without this RAOK I was having a great day, this was the cherry on top. I will post about what was in the box later this week but remember I said this was a post about mental health. I also want to do this person justice for being awesome.
I was being productive but I was still in my head so the time wasn’t perfect. However I had no reason whatsoever to be in my head. I sit down to finish what I was doing and no less than five minutes later I felt my depression trying to come back and ruin the RAOK. I had no reason to be down but I found myself in this internal fight with myself that was trying to keep me down. It feels like with everything that I did and have been doing, I am burned out because I working twice as hard as I should be. (For the record I am not trying to discount what anyone else is going through as we all have our own problems and I know the reality is that no one would want to trade lives with anyone.) I realize that everything that I did on top of me fighting just to be together and a functioning member of society was me working twice, thrice, etc., as hard. When you hear that someone is going through mental health issues, this is a glimpse of what they are going through. Mauro Ranallo might miss a hefty Wrestlemania payday because of similar issues. I wish him, everyone struggling, and everyone in the world the best. We all deserve to be happy and have peace of mind.
Speaking of happy, my next post will be what was in that box and a TL:DR version of this story. I don’t know when exactly that will be, but it will be before the month is up as I don’t want you reading it April Fool’s Day thinking this amazing act was a joke.